American Horror Story: Asylum
Season 2: Episode 13: “Madness Ends”
“Just remember, if you look in the face of evil, evil’s gonna look right back at you.”
Listen Kit, I was lonely and Pepper was … sweet. It was only one time! Don’t judge.
Season 2 of American Horror Story has come to an end. We will never hear from these characters again. The saga of Lana will live only in our minds and in some sad and very perverse fan fiction (lactationfetish.gov/sarahpaulson/dylanmcdermott). While thoroughly entertained by this trip down Lana Winter’s Memory Lane and the following latest term abortion ever, I can’t help but feel I have the worst case of ‘made for television mini-series or movie’ inflicted blue balls of all time.
American Horror Story: Asylum like it’s predecessor, the original AHS, was a show ripe with potential. Unlike the original, Asylum seemed to deliver on that promise… until you take the time to reflect on the season. Here are some things that never peaked like the top of Pepper’s cranium:
- Chloe Sevigny. OH YEAH, she was a featured guest star! The nympho! That got turned into a zombie! AND almost but NOT AT ALL REALLY exposed Dr. Arden! At least her murder at the hands of Cardinal (formerly Monsignor) Howard served a very miniscule purpose.
- Aliens. Yes, the aliens. Sure, they did A LOT this season: saving Grace and Alma, growing babies faster than a Lohan breaks parole but, like, not to nitpick or anything but… why? …and stuff? Seriously why the fuck were the aliens so into Kit? Do his children eventually save the world? Was he selected randomly?? WHY, RYAN MURPHY, WHY???
- Satan. Possession, check. Stirring up trouble with sass, check, deflowering the WORST priest ever, check, being defeated super easily? CHECK! That’s it? Mary Eunice dies and Satan flees? Hows come it was so easy for Lucifer to jump bodies last time he was in peril? THIS MAKES NO SENSE.
- Zombies. Why was did Dr. Arden have such a science boner for them? Why did they never do anything? So dumb. So pointless.
- Pepper. Everyone’s favorite microcephalic is blessed by the aliens with the powers of speech and apparently super-human strength. What happens next!? Her character fades into obscurity and dies in a scene we never see. Thank you for the touching tribute for a fan favorite.
Enough bemoaning what we didn’t have like Bloodyface 2 and his constant emoji #cryface about not getting to suckle enough. Let’s move on to the characters and storylines that were blessed by Monsignor Murphy with an ending.
Lana
Do Sister Jude and Lana use the same plastic surgeon?
Lana’s gone all ‘Barbara Walters with an EDGE on us’. When she’s not dropping names like they’re a bad habit (yes Bono DID sketch that picture of her) she’s reminiscing about how amazing she is with Connie Chung 2.0.
During her interview we learn many things, including the fact that Kit, NOT Lana, saved Sister Jude, that she did shut down Briarcliff and oh, the small fact that she found little Johnny Thredson and payed him a visit in the ’70′s. Unbeknownst to both Lana and the audience, this meeting is what started JT’s obsession with Mommy dearest. The end game of this interview and Lana’s big reveal about her bastard child? Bloodyface the sequel has been at the interview all along and afterwords he attempts to exact his revenge.
As we faithful viewers know, this leads to a very, very, late term abortion and a weird flashback about how Lana is evil? I think I missed the point on that BUT what I did garner from Ms. Winter’s swang song was this: she’s got great fodder for her next novel: Maniac 2: Maniac Harder Full Throttle. A
Kit
You’re kidding me with this cancer shit, right?
YO GUYS! KIT’S DEAD Y’ALL! Or like, maybe not? He got the cancers real bad but then he *disappeared* in a flash of horribly cheap strobe light special effects. It’s the aliens, they freaking love them some Kit Walker. So hopefully he’s up above floating around with Grace and Alma (who definitely got alien reincarnated) waiting for their genius world-changing babies to join them? Ugh.
Anyway, before Kit got sick, he got a happy ending with some hippie who’s name isn’t even worth remembering. He also did the good deed of rescuing Sister Jude from Briarcliff and his children even cured her of the crazies with their alien powers. I mean, good job Kit and good job Alien kid army but… what? This is the ending you come up with for the only TRULY GOOD character in the season? I mean Kit is wrongfully accused of murder, imprisoned, almost killed multiple times, his first love murders his second love and the mother of one of his children, then she dies at the place that haunts his dreams and STILL this guy is all full of love and forgiveness! THEN HE GETS CANCER.
I have to say that even though I was very upset with how Kit’s story ended he still may have been my favorite character. I’m a sucker for someone who is pure of heart. A+
Sister Jude
*Sexy intake of breath*
Sigh. Why you have to do Judy like that, Murphy? This powerhouse of a character, so much depth, so many flaws, so many near triumphs, a heart buried under years of guilt, moments of true redemption and kindness tempered with moments of pure hate and evil… and she withers away? I was rooting for a good vs. evil all out battle for the fate of humanity where Sister Jude takes on Cardinal Howard just before he becomes Pope. Obviously Kit, Lana and the Alien kid brigade are by her side helping defeat evil wherever it rears its ugly head. NOPE. Instead we get a slightly crazy, then not crazy Jude hanging with Kit and family. Yes, it was nice to see the weight of her life lifted from her shoulders but for only 6 months? She deserved better and SO much more. D
Cardinal Timothy Howard
I tried really hard to find a picture of him post-suicide. Sorry guys.
I will say that this was a satisfying end for a character no one could have ever possibly liked. After being confronted by Lana re: Briarcliff, human experimentation and Nazi doctors, Howard bereft with guilt kills himself. I don’t know about you but I smiled when I saw him in that tub. THE WORST. F
Johnny Thredson AKA Bloodyface 2
Bloodyface is sooooo EMO.
Bloodyface’s prodigy finally gets his wish, he has his mother trapped all ripe for the murdering. Unfortunately unlike his father, lil’ Johnny’s a bit gullible and slow. Lana tricks him into thinking she cares for him then quickly gives him a quick kiss… with a bullet right between the eyes. Sure, we learn about Johnny’s mommy issues and his love of e-bay but does it really make anyone feel for him? I’m sorry, but suck it up. Not having your Mom around is NO excuse for murdering and wearing the skin of your victims. I have a hard line on these kind of things. D fo’ DEAD.
“Madness Ends”- C
Like most season finales, “Madness Ends” leaves us with a million questions. Unfortunately we don’t get another season of Asylum. While we were treated to a satisfying end for Lana and a few others, I couldn’t help but feel most of the episode was disappointment. I’ll definitely be around for season 3 though. I call for even more Jessica Lange and the return of Tami Taylor Connie Britton.
Extra Credit
- The make-up department deserves a pat on the back for the entire season.
- The set dressing in Lana’s apartment, it definitely sold the whole respectable celebrity icon idea.
- Kit’s kids having alien powers! I want a show about them!
Demerits
- The storylines for Sister Jude and Kit. I don’t remember when the show made a clear transition from being a Sister Jude-vehicle to a Lana-vehicle, but what they did to these two supporting characters was a disservice.
